S A I L

Support for Adoption, Infertility and Loss
www.sailministry.org
E-mail: sailsupport@comcast.net

An outreach of “Connections”, the women’s ministry of Heritage United Methodis Church

Helping a Loved One with the Loss of a Baby

Suggestions:

• Ask the parents if they would be interested in monetary donations to help cover the costs of the headstone, in lieu of flower arrangements. The death of a baby is not somethings anyone is prepared for - thus, there are many unexpected expenses.
• A phone call or card sent a week or two (or even a month) following the loss/memorial service, to remind the parents that their pain is remembered, as well as their baby. Their grief is something that they will never “get over,” they will only learn to handle the pain in a better way. It would also be appropriate and appreciated to remember the parents on the anniversary dates of the loss, as well as holidays (such as Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Christmas)
• Do not be afraid to talk tabout the baby- parents want their child to be remembered
• Think carefully about what you say before you say it. Hurtful words cannot be taken back. (See “Things to Avoid Saying”)
• Include the grieving parents in your daily prayers.
• Present the grieving parents with keepsake gifts to honor their baby. Gift ideas include:
• Personalized baby blanket (baby’s name/date of birth)
• necklace or bracelet with baby’s birthstone or baby booties
• a nice box (painted, wood, etc.)to use as a memory box (for keepsakes)
• Ways to Honor and Remember includes several things that family members or friends can do to honor the precious memory of their loved one’s baby.

Things to Avoid Saying:

• “It was for the best - something was probably wrong with your baby.”
• “You can still have another baby.”
• “You can always try again.”
• “You should find something to keep you busy; put this behind you.”
• “Be thankful for the child(ren) you already have.”
• “It wasn’t meant to be.”
• “At least you didn’t spend a lot of time with it and then lose it.”
• “I expected you to be over this by now.”
• “You can have another Joe/Jane.” (Do not suggest using the baby’s name again, as if it is just a name and not a real person.)